that fool

today i cried. sweat and tears infused, streaking my cheeks coughed forth by the sudden weight of things that i've neglected to realize. with intent. this is not the person that i was suppose to become. i look at you, and my appreciation of your efforts remain unmanifested, unsaid and unheard as i selfishly cast you aside, out of my life. i know you weep in your prayers, hoping for some salvation for me. your unconditioned love not repaid. words, they tangle themselves as i try, painfully, to tell you that i never wanted it to be this way. as i try, to express the thick viscous despondence that lay over my thoughts, smothering, suffocating, impeding my soul. i've lost myself in this chaos of a life i'm leading. without a moment to breathe. i rush through the seconds of my life, abandoning the principles that i've lived by. rolling, uncontrollaby from one moment to the next oblivous, yes conciously oblivious, to the changes around me, and more importantlly, within me. the rest of you read this, and you cant make out what it is i'm saying. you frown and then judge the words i dispense. well thats okay, this wasnt meant for you anyway.